Tamara B.

PROGRAM:
Summer Shape Up - 3rd Place Winner!

This transformation challenge did not turn out like I expected. I went in with the expectation of making a significant physical transformation. The original plan was to spend a few weeks at maintenance and then immediately enter a cut.

Along the way though, I ended up taking a completely different path.

I've spent the entirety of my adult life wanting to be "smaller" or "skinnier". I was always one of the "skinny" ones growing up and through my 20s and even into my early 30s. It literally became part of my identity. I remember in medical school subsisting on 1400 calories of chicken, broccoli and a tiny bit of rice in order to be "leaner".

In 2018 I had to have a total hysterectomy. Suddenly no matter what I did or ate, I was gaining weight. I had no control over it. I tried keto and then carnivore, but all that did was slow down the weight gain. Suddenly I was no longer skinny and veering into the "overweight" category on the scale, though most people in my life told me I looked fine. It was a total mind f***. I was not athletic AT ALL growing up and in my late 20s and 30s and I forced myself to exercise in order to be smaller/leaner/what have you, but I always wanted visible muscle definition. I thought if I worked out and dieted I would get the best of both worlds. I never was able to progress much in the gym and I found myself easily talked out of working out. It didn't take much for me to make an excuse to not go to the gym.

In 2020 a local CrossFit gym advertised a 6 week challenge to get in shape and trim up. I joined as I had always been curious about Crossfit. I ended up falling head over heels in love with the workout methodology and went all in on everything Crossfit. Since that first workout, I have been extremely disciplined and consistent with my workouts. However, I was still very much entrenched in the "weigh less" mindset. I was incredibly strict with my diet for those 6 weeks and was able to drop most of the hysterectomy weight gain by basically eating at a calorie deficit and literally zero carbs. After 6 months of this, I realized how unsustainable it was to eat only meat (not to mention BORING). However, I had no idea how to really get back into eating regular food, so I signed up with a nutrition coach. I ended up bouncing around to about 6 different nutrition coaching programs over the next two years. I was still gaining weight no matter what I did and I was constantly chasing that idea of seeing a smaller number on the scale. With other coaching services I tried, even with decent daily macros, I felt very burdened to present my foods as the highest quality nutrition I could, so I felt constantly deprived. Because of my hormone issues, I continued to gain fat and I felt so bitter and unhappy.

I was trying out different nutritional strategies on my own when I saw the advertisement for the 12 week challenge. I had been with BIN for about 6 months in 2022 and it was the only nutrition coaching that I had enjoyed and felt like I actually made some progress with so I decided to go all in. It had taken me until then to even begin to accept that my heavier body and the fact that I needed to fuel my body to have energy to perform as well as excel in the gym. I was sitting almost 40 pounds over my pre-hysterectomy weight, which a good portion of it was muscle, but I definitely had (have) fat to lose and I was hoping that I could drop some of it during the challenge. I felt like I had finally got my hormones situation under control and that maybe this time a cut would be successful.

My coach started me off with maintenance macros, with the intention to transition into a cut at some point in the future. In addition to working through the 12 week challenge journal, I set a goal of speaking kindly to myself about my body and speaking aloud positive body affirmations daily. As my mindset started to shift, I began to allow myself to have some of my previously labeled "bad food". For the most part though I didn't even need to eat the junk food I had wanted so bad before. Just the idea of being "allowed" to eat it made it less desirable to me. I also began to want to put my calories towards foods that would further my goals.

After a few weeks, my coach and I started talking about transitioning into a "cut" but I felt like I was doing so well at maintenance I wanted to just keep rolling with it. When we got down to about 3-4 weeks left of the challenge, she offered to start me on a deficit but didn't push it either. By this time I had realized that I didn't even care about a cut anymore. I had actually finally accepted my body at its current size and realized that my mental health and body image was way more important than the number on the scale. For the first time in as long as I can remember I was actually fueling my body properly! And more importantly, doing it because I WANTED to.

I had literally spent my entire adult life chasing a smaller number on the scale, particularly in the years since my surgery and here I was being offered a coach sanctioned cut and didn't want to pursue it! I was/am willing to stay at a higher body weight! If you had told me 12 weeks ago this would be the outcome, I would have laughed in your face.

In fact, even though I was eating more calories than I ever had with any prior coach, I ended up losing about 6 pounds from my highest weight. I'm now at a point where I can basically just eat food and not have to have a mental debate about it or feel guilty/deprived/discouraged after every meal. When we get takeout or go out to eat, I feel confident in what I order and what I consume.

Beyond that mental/physical win, I now can be more objective when the scale is up. Instead of letting a higher number than the day before ruin my entire day, I can actually think about it logically and realize it's just a fluctuation.

In terms of gym performance, I've gotten multiple PR's during the past 12 weeks, including a bench press PR, strict press PR, clean and jerk PR, as well as completed a Murph without modifying it, done a weighted chin up and did Grace RX with a better time than the first time I ever did it with only 45 pounds. I have also realized that sometimes less is more and instead of pushing myself to do more and longer workouts everyday, sometimes twice a day, I've been allowing myself to take breaks and maybe skip the metcon and just do strength training. This would never have happened prior to the 12 weeks. Back then my mindset was "more is more and therefore better".

So while I don't have some flashy, dramatic before and after pictures, my mental health and body image have done a complete 180 degree transformation that is absolutely priceless and worth a million so-called physical transformations.