A Relationship with Food Worth Building
Do you remember the first time you ever felt guilty about eating something?
I can’t recall the exact moment, but my relationship with food took a noticeable turn after entering the fitness and nutrition world.
I was pretty fortunate to have parents that never commented on my body or pointed out when I ate a lot, or just a little. They never forced me to finish my meal if I served too much. Although they often used food as a reward for good behavior, I believe they did a good job in shaping my positive perceptions of food and self-image. Not everyone shares the same privilege, and I do recognize that.
I have been an athlete (sports like soccer, snowboarding, cross country, basketball, etc) my whole life, but I started my career in the health and fitness industry when I was 18 years old. I was fresh out of high school, had spent the summer leading into college partying, and was no longer playing soccer most days of the week so I could eat whatever I wanted and still stay lean. I started going to the gym, I got into bootcamp and CrossFit, and I did my first nutrition “challenge”. Here I learned the basics of nutrition, but I also learned that I felt my sense of self worth swell when I lost body fat and weight. I became obsessed with being leaner, getting abs, and getting fitter all around. I went all in, striving to become the best version of myself—which, like for many, meant being as lean and shredded as possible.
During this time I learned the basics of nutrition and some very valuable skills that I’m thankful for, but I also confronted the all-too-common feelings of guilt and shame around food and my body. Here’s something crucial that I realized and now emphasize in my coaching: labeling foods as “good” or “bad” reinforces a guilt cycle, making it harder to establish a balanced, healthy relationship with eating. If you've felt out of control around certain foods, you're not alone, and there are strategies that help us navigate these feelings.
Back then I truly believed that the only way I could stay at my leanest was to restrict any foods I enjoyed, and that restriction led to the occasional big indulgences when I would “allow” myself to have the foods that I deemed off limits.
So began a very disordered way of thinking and eating.
For four years, my pursuit of athleticism was clouded by an obsession with leanness, hindering me from reaching my true potential. If this resonates with you, remember: perpetual pushing and rarely taking rest will lead to burnout, not success. Now, as a coach, I empower my clients to find balance, honor their rest days, and embrace progress, not perfection, redefining what true health means for each individual.
When I hired Kelsey as my nutrition coach, my goal was to continue getting fitter and have the accountability to fuel myself better so that I could continue to improve in CrossFit. Little did I know, I was actually hiring the person that would essentially show me how to get my life back.
Looking back on my journey, I can pinpoint several transformative shifts that allowed me to reclaim control over my relationship with food. Each change didn't happen overnight, but was a gradual process of learning, unlearning, and healing. Having a coach by my side was invaluable, providing the guidance, support, and perspective I needed to navigate these complexities.
Below are some key examples of the way my relationship with food has changed:
I used to eat one Oreo, and then have to eat twelve. Now I can have two or three and go back about my day without obsessing over the next Oreo.
I used to never have cereal in my house because I knew I couldn’t trust myself around it. Now I have a few boxes and sometimes they go stale because honestly, I’m just not super interested in it anymore.
I used to have to avoid going to any parties or gatherings if I wanted to stay “on track,” because I’d stand around the food table and gorge myself until I was sick. Now I can serve a plate and go socialize, and come back if I’m hungry.
I used to obsessively look over a restaurant menu before going out, sometimes spending all day tweaking a meal on the menu so that I could have it fit into my day. Now I can order what I want and truly enjoy it, and I often lean towards the “healthier” option now because it makes my body feel better. But sometimes I order something less nutritious now, too, without guilt.
I used to plan my day out in my food tracking app to a tee so that if I had anything come up to change that plan, I’d end up freaking out. Now, I can plan my day ahead of time, easily adjust if necessary, and be okay with not hitting my numbers exactly.
I used to dread the holidays. Just another chance to fall off the wagon. Now I cherish the time with my loved ones, enjoy foods that only come around once a year, and stay present in my relationship and connections with and without food involved.
I’d love to tell you that there is a clear cut way to develop this relationship with food or heal a broken one. There isn’t. There is no one size fits all approach. All you can do is start to understand your past and how it has led to who you are and how food affects you today, and then use that information to start slowly chipping away at repairing some of the dysfunction. It’s not an overnight fix. I still have thoughts that I used to have back then, now I just let them slip past me as they come. It has taken years of repeatedly proving to myself that I can have my cake and eat it too, just maybe not the entire cake (if I want to feel good).
Understanding flexible dieting–a core component of our coaching process at Black Iron–has been integral in me healing my relationship with food. It taught me that no food is off limits. Anything can fit into my day, although there may be sacrifices in how I feel or how satisfied I am throughout the day, but I can make it work if I truly want it.
The freedom I’ve found in proving to myself that if I really want something, I can have it, has eased my obsession around food. The restriction I would create day to day only bred this obsession and caused me to lose any sense of control over myself, my eating, or even my life.
If these thoughts resonate with you, or if the idea of healing your relationship with food appeals to you, I strongly recommend seeking guidance from someone who has navigated a similar path. At a minimum, consider exploring the concept of Flexible Dieting and begin to reevaluate your perceptions of food and yourself.
Anyone can do this. Food freedom is within arms reach of all of us – we just need the tools, mental retraining, and accountability to get there, all of which I’ve been able to learn in my own experience with a coach, and repeatedly apply with every client who is ready to heal their relationship with food.
Written By: Sabrina Atterbom, Black Iron Nutrition Coach